Sunday, October 21, 2012

Love Is a Game Best Not Played

Why do we love and hate, oh ye unforgiving fate?

Also, why is communication about love always so pathetic? Though maybe the question should be - what's wrong with pathos? It seems that the most attractive state of being one can harness these days is "the cool". The intense and pro-active alternative to that self-assured chill would probably be "awesome" instead.

Sadly, guys and girls channeling feelings other than cool or awesome are doomed to much less flattering pidgeon hole of "emo". Amusingly, if you are interested in "getting laid", pidgeon hole is a completely wrong kind of hole to be stuck in. And if you are dry rational person, then you don't even register on the radar.

It has been brought to my attention recently, that there actually exists a whole philosophy of dating for the sake of dating. Rigorously scientific, psycho-analyzed to the max, providing clever terminology and carefully tested methods. Just google "Real Social Dynamics", it's quite fascinating.

They speak of the importance of things like feeling Entitled and Abundant (knowing you are good enough for a lot of attractive women), of being a smart player in a game where most of the emotional responses are in fact involuntary reactions to specific stimuli. In other words, objects of desire can be simply played.

There is a spiritual undertone to this approach too, however - people should realize that they are not less than anyone else and that they do not owe anything to anyone else. That they have the power to control their life and what they need is a clear vision, determination and no pretense.

That all sounds well and good, but in such state of enlightenment and empowerement coming from within, why would you want or need scoring as many hot girls as possible, regardless of who they are inside? You should be above valuation, compensation or gratification, especially by using cheap mental tricks to essentially manipulate girls, circumventing their own will, presuming it is not a factor anyway.

However clever it might be, getting any girl just for sex still seems as a pretty low and hollow goal to me, meant to desperately fill a void or stupidly satisfy an urge, fit for an emotional wreck or a base animal. In this whole equation of getting girls wet, there is no space at all for love, whatever that might be.

The closest those modern playboys of science get to love is through "attraction", which they assume is toxic, when mentally amplified to make a single girl seem special, as well as having nothing to do with will - if somebody pushes the right buttons, you are attracted, end of story.

Even if attraction is mechanicaly caused by basic displays of confidence and aptitude, being attracted does not necessarilly mean that some other person is right for you. Isn't there really anything else, anything more than just physical attraction? What about any kind of meaning?

If you love someone, you probably don't only love her ass or her assets or some other objective criteria. You must love also the things she chooses to tell you, do for you, be with you. If you pick up anonymous chicks at a party, then of course the objective criteria are all there is.

Given how much all parties are alike, it is a very controlled environment, where you can indeed repeat experiments and therefore test methods, that work most often under those specific conditions. If you have a clearly definable goal like getting laid, the science of dating is quite feasible.

But living a life, where every partner is totally replaceable, is a life devoid of love - if love entails anything, it is the fact that either person is more important to the other person that any other person. Love may be transitory, and always something of a delusional projection, but when you are in love, you are not just dating someone or just getting laid, you become a merged entity with your loved one, part of a greater whole, maybe even fulfilling a destiny of some sort.

As the geniuses of dating keep saying themselves, girls really want assholes. Only guys that do not care are those they end up in bed with. Because, you know, they are slaves to their biochemistry. But it's okay to use the pickup methods of the assholes, as long as you are the good guy. Or that is what you can keep telling yourself, when you too treat women as mindless drones.

The saddest part, though, is that it really does work - persistent, emotionally hardened, clever jerks do win the girls more often that the nice guys, who are better for them. Precisely because they consider the given girl or a women to be special, both to her endless amusement and boredom.

It seems that to deserve true love, one has to learn how to get out of the game.


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